I`m very happy to introduce a new writer to the asylum. Jules Brudek who is a very talented award winning writer.
Sticky boxes
by Jules Brudek
A column about VHS cult and
horror gems not yet available on DVD or Blu-ray
When I was a Video
store clerk back in the late nineties, I had the opportunity of watching and
enjoying all the horror movies that hell made and heaven would allow. From
straight to video gore to shot-on-video splatter fests to soft porn infused
midnight movies, I spent hours of my off time indulging in any video I could
get my sticky hands on. During working hours, I re-alphabetized the VHS boxes neatly
on the shelves, covers always facing outward, so the gore-ious artwork could be
properly appreciated. Now, VHS in back in vogue and everyone has a story like
this one about the unappreciated allure of VHS, so, I will keep my nostalgia
brief.
One last anecdote, I
named the column “Sticky Boxes” because that’s what I touched day in and day
out working at the video store. Sweaty handed customers brought back their
rental VHS tapes encased in gooey grime. Everyday, I would check them back in,
wipe them off and re-stock. Humorous note: the bigger the babe’s boobs were on
the box the stickier the VHS box was upon return.
Each month, I will
examine a hidden treasure from the deserted island world of VHS. Tthere are
still so many horror and cult rarities that have not been released on DVD and
Blu-ray, it’s worth digging into my collection and reviewing some personal
favorites.
Tonight’s Sticky Box:
The Haunted
1991/Made for TV movie
Starring Sally Kirkland
Available on PAL VHS in the
UK
Not available on DVD or
Blu-ray
*Note: Please don’t confuse The Haunted (1991) with the film of the same name from 1977
starring Aldo Ray about a desert town under attack by a woman using powerful
witchcraft during the Civil War.
“In the name of Jesus
Christ, I command you to be gone!”
I know you’ve seen it all; Poltergeist (1982), The
Haunting in Connecticut (2009), The Conjuring (2013), The Amityville Horror
(1979) and the remake in 2005, but have you ever seen a prudish father of
four raped by a transgender demon? I didn’t
think so.
Set in the 1970s and based on real accounts about the Smurl
family, this haunted house flick starring Sally Kirkland as Janet Smurl and
Jeffery DeMunn as her husband, Jack Smurl, delivers the ghostly goods with
cheesy moments and traumatic incidents that the whole family will enjoy.
The Haunted builds
like a typical ghost story, introducing us to the normal Smurl family as they
are moving into their lovely new home. As the family settles, the feeling of
pre-pubescence coupled with Catholic restraint becomes apparent. Mrs. And Mr.
Smurl have four daughters and a sexually benign marriage. Making matters worse,
Mr. Smurl’s rigid parents, Grandpa and Grandma Smurl, live with them, making
this a battleground for spirits to enter, as psychic Lorraine Warren will
mention later. As strange occurrences start keeping them up at night, The
Smurls decide to call for some help. Their church ignores their pleas. Enter
The Warrens.
The Haunted could
be a prequel to The Conjuring because
it introduces us to the expertise and style of the most famous and prolific of
all paranormal investigators, Ed and Lorraine Warren. In 1952, they founded the New England Society
for Psychic Research and became world famous in the 70s after their real life
investigations became the subject of the book, The Amityville Horror, written by Jay Anston and the film of the
same name. Ed and Lorraine Warren come
off as a bunch of badasses in The Haunted
and it’s really a wonder why the tag-team didn’t get invited to more haunted houses
films like Poltergeist. Using her prowess for the paranormal,
Lorraine identifies four sprits in the Smurl home: a man who suffered terribly,
an old confused woman, a little girl, and lastly, a nasty demon manipulating
the other three to attack the family.
I have two favorite scenes, the aforementioned rape scene
that has yet to be topped cinematically and a scene where Grandma Smurl tells
her daughter in-law she was tortured by screaming profanities. Literally, I
laughed out loud and that doesn’t happen often. In order to get your hands on
the film, you will need to find it on AmazonUK and have a PAL compatible VCR. I
did it and I don’t regret it. Another option, you can wait for it to air on the
Sci-Fi channel. It shows up on occasion.
Rumor has it, The
Haunted is Leigh Whannel’s (Hell yeah!) favorite horror movie and it
inspired him to pen such modern horror classics as Saw (2004) and Insidious
(2010). The cult following this film received in the United Kingdom was
monumental, prompting twentieth century fox to release the VHS in the late 90s.
I give the VHS
presentation of The Haunted: 3 sticky
gloops out of five.
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